Thursday, September 02, 2010
Finding the peace within my chaos
i'm trying hard to keep yesterday history, but it just seemed to move faster than time in my mind. Even though i said to keep yesterday behind, i'm struggling to stick with it. After the Hong Kong trip, our hearts felt like they have taken another step closer to each other. Before the trip, our jobs kept us busy for most part of the day. We had little time for each other but we tried our best to spend time together. Then came the trip, we had four full days with each other travelling around, shopping till our legs and backs went sore. School was just round the corner and it began without much fanfare. A new academic year has begun and we need to delve into our notes and books.
The lust for your time and company has made me put too strong a hold on your life. Without realising, i was wanting to spend more time with you. i wanted to spend an entire day with you. With our current commitments and lifestyle, this just wasnt possible and i turned to looking at the longest possible day with you, which was Wednesday on my timetable. With any twist in events which threaten to shorten the duration i get to spend with you on Wednesdays, an unexpected chaos arose within me behind a seemingly peaceful facade.
As i spend my day today with minimal contact with you, it really felt terrible.
Today, you are like a ghostly phantom who upon appearing among the mist, brought me great bundles of joy and in a while, disappearing within the mist again. And i desperately scan for an outline in that thick mist.
i prepared a little surprise over at your place this evening. But i believe you'll only see them when you return home later after your supper.
i need to loosen my hold before my own grip starts to be self-choking. It seems like a day off may be needed for myself.
