Sunday, June 21, 2009
You gave me the address to your blog that night. When we hung up, i felt the urge to go read it. But i hesistated, afraid that after reading your entries, i might not be able to get to sleep. In the end, i didnt and just went to sleep. The next morning, i woke up and getting online was the first thing i did. i went to your blog. Entry after entry i read. Yes, there was no doubt just like how you put it. You gave me access to your blog to let me know how you have been getting on all these while. i felt quite alright after reading everything.
But just now, i visited your blog to see if you had any new updates. There was none and i read through the more recent entries again. A stab went into my heart, each time going deeper with every word and entry. i remembered how i felt after reading through all your entries that day. i remembered not finding a piece of myself in any of your entries. i knew it all along, that there was no standing space for me in your heart anymore. No more. Not an inch left. But i just couldnt bring myself to face this fact. i couldnt. But i have to. i know i have to because there was no point in getting myself feeling hurt each time i recall about the past. Even if i dont, everywhere i go to, memories of you and me flood back.
Met up with my primary school friends today at Marina Square followed by slacking at Pan Pacific. i remembered that time when we went there after meeting up with SW and Brian at the HK cafe. i remembered rushing down to Pan Pac to get you the roses which we saw through the glasses of this florist. You loved how the roses have their petals curled back and folded nicely to give it a wholesome look.
Knowing that i have no space in your heart, i do not comprehend how i am able to continue to let you whine about everything to me, about how depressed you're feeling, how the day has not been kind to you, how much heartache and sorrow you're feeling with the situation you're having with E. Especially for the last one, i really dont know how i can continue to listen to you talk about them, the very thing which caused me all the hurt and heartache.
总是为别人着想，那谁为我想呢？
