i know the difference between the two words, yet i subconciously keep making the latter. Probably i deserve to crumble under my own expectations. i keep telling myself that it's all about giving and asking for nothing in return, but i guess i wasnt up to it.

It just wasnt comfortable to not know what is in your head during the past week. Like what you said, i gave you the time and space to yourself, but i didnt know the meaning of doing just that. i just wasnt understanding enough, maybe not at all, since i felt uncomfortable in the first place. Not knowing anything led me to complicate matters on my own, even if things could just be as simple as you grieving over Tummy. But all i can say is that for that past one week, each time i decided to give you your personal space and time, i could understand it was because you needed it. But i struggled to do so, because i didnt want to leave you alone. Yet at the same time, i told myself that if i were to be stubborn, then i'm not being understanding of your needs. i can safely say that i was feeling nowhere near being insecure during that one week. But as time passes, the constant reminder by myself just wasnt sufficient.

Nobody is perfect. People makes mistakes. i surely did, and i am disappointed in myself too. i didnt know how, and i'm not too sure why, that i just keep having expectations, and unhealthy ones they came about to be. Right now, the boundary has been redrawn to one which we both have come to understand. i guess it's also good that we're giving each other all the time and space right now, especially when i keep creating one expectations after another, and subconciously too. i need to reflect on all that i did, all that i said, and all which you have said too. i am stripped bare of the sensitivity i used to have (nope, not by you). i need to find them back.

Lastly, i am sorry, for not being understanding and sensitive to you at all.