"There's no harm in trying.", "The occasional success when you try is what's interesting in life.", "It's expected if you fail, but you're a real man if you succeed." and "Jumping to conclusions by yourself that it's hopeless, and giving up without trying is pure hopelessness."

These four lines are from a Japanese drama called プロポーズ大作戦 (Proposal Daisakusen/Operation Love) and i love them very much. This drama has a average viewership rating of 17.3% in the Kanto region, and 17.2% in Kansai region. Basically, as long as the viewership rating is above 15%, it is a good drama.

i will like to focus on the first half of the 4th statement about jumping to conclusions myself. This is the current thought that is filling my mind. In my previous entry, i talked about a special mention which i will like to leave it to another entry. This will be the entry. i know you'll be reading this. And i know i'll be writing this for you to read it. But let me say this first. i am not writing this to confuse you further on your decision. i am writing this because i am using this chance to consolidate my thoughts, and as an avenue for me to release any feelings that i may have unknowingly bottled up. Please, let this not be something that will mess up your mind further, because if it is, then maybe you shouldnt read this entry. As i was saying, i am hoping that i will not be jumping to conclusions myself. This is because to assume is a terrible thing to do. The moment i assume for the worst, i put myself through a miserable state and i will have got to snap myself out of it. When i assume for the best, i feel that i am giving myself false hopes, because nothing is for certain until a clear answer comes to your mind.

Thankfully, my best buddy asked for a meet-up today. It gave me a chance for me to focus my thoughts on other things. It was also an opportunity for me to discuss this matter with him, for he has more experience on this area than me. He didnt exactly tell me what kind of answer to expect. He just told me to let this be a good experience for me to go through.

Sure enough. i can still remember almost everything from the beginning. How the friendship started. How we had fun working together. It was pure, clean, innocent fun back then with the others. Then there was that fateful night, when i miraculously woke up from my slumber to answer your SMS. Then it translated into a call, a call that lasted from when the sky was still dark until i saw it blue. From that night, my handphone never exactly rested with all your SMSes, and also, the nightly chatting sessions. i guessed we guys also have the sixth sense that you girls proudly claim to own. i had the feeling that we were heading in that direction. To be honest, i was pretty apprehensive about this direction we were heading at that time. i wasnt sure if i was ready for this. i wasnt sure of my feelings either. But i continued the nightly chat sessions. i can still remember the turning point, and that was when you told me to visit your blog. i dont know the reason why, but i suddenly find that you're a very interesting character and i very much want to know you more. Maybe it was a few of your entries, or maybe it was the youtube videos you asked me to watch. i'm guessing it could be because i suddenly see the other side of your life, the colourful side, which ignited the flame in me to want to know you more. It was right at this time, when the apprehensive feeling disappeared. i felt the attraction. i felt the interest. i dont know if this could be considered good or bad for you. But i remembered you asking me a question. i cant exactly remember how you phrase it, but it goes along the line of whether my heart beats faster when i'm around you. i remember my answer to you then was, "Sadly, no.". i think i may have disappointed you back then. But thinking back on it, i'm sure i am happy with this answer because my heart and my mind isnt clouded by infatuation with regards to how i feel about you. And how i feel about you, even as i ask myself now, is that i like you very much. No doubts about it.

You have been the first for my many things. You are the first person that i have cared so much about. You are the first person i send home, with only just the two of us in the car. You are the first person i brought up to Mt Faber. You are the first person i held hands with. You are the first person i have come so close to, without feeling uncomfortable. Although back then, my heart didnt palpitate insanely when you're around me, i must say that with each passing day, with growing fondness towards you, my heart surely did increase its pace slowly. My heart aches when i hear of you falling ill and also on the day when Daniel hit you. My heart crumbles when i hear of you being terribly sad when you say that your mum doesnt love you enough. But what i'm about to say now can never be more true. And that is, i am more than happy to see the smile on your face. i am beyond satisfied to hear your laughter and chuckle. =)

Right now, i know you are trying to clear your mind to find an answer. Therefore, i am giving you all the space you need. i know i may be fighting a losing battle, for my opponent is someone who has numerous advantages stacked against me. The odds are definitely high. All i can count on, at this moment, is patience, trust and belief. i believe you will make the best decision of your choice, be it for the best or for the worst, in my view. i only have this line to offer to myself. This was a line i have learn from my best buddy during one of his darker moments.

"Let her go. She will be back if she is meant to be yours."