There is no need to pray to the gods or ask the spirits about how well i did for my Physics paper. Wait, there is a major typo in that statement. It should be of '...how badly i have done...'. Seriously, i believe i am going to get a F for my Physics. For all my Physics test, be it Common Tests or Promotional Examination, the best i've gotten so far is a 'D'! Mind you, that 'D' wasnt earned. It is a DIRTY 'D'. Those in my class would understand what i mean. i didnt earn that grade. It is an ill-gotten grade. Still, being an ill-gotten one, i still obtain a 'D'. That really says how bad my Physics really is. Now, prelims, the last deal before the real deal, i'm still screwing it up. i really feel demoralised. i feel upset. i feel frustrated. i feel so scared for my A-Levels. What am i to do? What else can i do? Blame Michael Tay? Maybe. Undoubtedly, he plays a part for what i am now. But ultimately, i can only blame myself. Nonchalent. Lackadasical. The attitudes which have led to my downfall.

As i was doing Physics Paper 3 today, i cant help but feel as if my future is over. Wow. i can tell my future from a paper. Powerful. But anyway, it was just a feeling i couldnt shake off. 3 A-Level subjects. 2 GP papers. These are what i'm left with, without other alternatives to depend on. Fail one and i'll be lost in this world. University will be out of my reach immediately. i cant go out and work with just an O-Level certificate. They say that if you fail to make it to university from JCs, you are as good as dead. For those who are enrolled in polytechnics, they can fall back on their diplomas. i cant. i dont have one. Nothing will be cushioning my fall. i'll land straight on the cold hard floor. Injured. Maybe paralysed. i have had images of me failing my A-Levels spinning through my mind. Not once or twice. But many times. The fear is unbearable. If only i have a magic wand to poof my fear away. If only.

i believe i'll be getting back to business very soon. Especially for Physics. The clock is ticking. November 8th. The second onslaught. i will be making sure i'm not ill-prepared again.