Friday, June 24, 2005
i'm going to make this official.
This up-coming Common Test is hopeless. If miracle is available, i'll be scoring an EEE, and i'm sure of it. As far back as i can remember, i only started studying 2 days ago? 3 subjects, 4 days, 1 nonchalent mind. My mind is already telling me to give this up. 'What for?', i kept asking myself. Since it is going to be a hopeless case, why not live these last few days of the June break happily? Why drown your sorrows with more crazy mugging? But then again, i likened this situation to all the races and runs which i have done and/or will be doing. i'm not going to give up till it's over.
i barely scratched the syllabus for Chemistry. Forget Maths and Physics. i havent touched them at all up till now. i have it all planned out. More Chemistry for today, Maths over the weekends, and Physics on Monday evening plus the whole of Tuesday. i'm so dead sure i'm going to earn another F9 for my physics. Nick will be so disappointed. My enthusiasm in class(going to the board to answer tutorial questions) is a fake. My 'hardworking' image is just another facade i'm giving. i feel like Two-Face.
Argh. Save me from studying. i feel so disgusted and frustrated from having to study, and study, and study. The 'give-up' thought now feels so much like when i was sitting for my Sec 3 Physics Mid-Yr paper. When i hit the last page of the test paper, i realised that i haven answered alot of questions. i gave up for a rough 5 mins. The result was a failure for that Physics paper.
Sigh! Turning away from mugging, i shall talk about something else. A few days back, i received a letter from RSAF. It was a notification letter to tell me that i've passed the Computerised Pilot Selection Test. The first stage is cleared. To proceed futher, i've to fill up an application form. i felt stuck, because i wasnt sure if i wanted to continue. i've never really thought about becoming a pilot. Maybe i've toyed with that idea and imagined myself soaring through the skies in a fighter jet, but i've never fixed my eyes on the skies. Besides, it was quite recently, about 1 to 2 years back, when i expressed great interest in the forensic sector. Sure, my subject combination in JC now is kinda wrong, for the lack of biology is one big hurdle i have created for myself on this path. But anyway, this application letter has opened up another path for me. It looks very dark and i cant even see 10m ahead of me. i do not know what is lurking ahead. i consulted many people on this issue, with a few replying 'Why not?', some further progressing to 'Better think about it!', and one moving in a comedic direction.
Know what's actually holding me back? The bond. It is the bond of at least 10 years which i have to serve which is the culprit behind my hesistation.
Anyway, it is not a confirm ending that i'll end up in RSAF for sure in future. The dropout rate for pilots are so hu-mungously high! It is not like i'll be serving the bond the moment i send in the application form.
i've made up my mind. i've decided to explore more on that dark and 'treacherous'-looking path. Who knows? There may lie a pot of gold at my end of the journey. Or some nice rocks or pebbles to pick up along the way? i'm sure there will be another detour along the way, or at worst, i'll turn back and walk the same path backwards, if i can. i'll send in my form and see how i'll fare along the way.
'Control Tower...(static)'
'Afghanboy requesting for take-off...(static)'
'I get your request...(static)'
'The runway is clean, and you're cleared for take-off...(static)'
