and so, after today, my total no of failures i've incurred, i mean major ones that leave an impact in me, is 3! yes, it's the track elections... but i wun comment any further...

sometimes, i juz wonder, for this year, izzit the year full of my downs are combined? maybe not combined, but juz a year of downs? i mean, right from the start of the year, it's been downs, downs, downs and downs... nothing up... seriously...

first down:
04s10, first three mths, everyone went their way... some pursued for somewhere higher, but they r also those who did not manage to stay... for those who went "somewhere higher", i can understand... but for those who could not extend their passports wif NJ, well, that's where the sad part comes... my 'down'...

second down:
remnants of 04s10, were relocated to other classes... this left me a real bad impression wif NJ... are we bottles of sand, that permits u to shake us up, pour us out into a pit, mix arnd, and then scoop them into different bottles? the strong connection b/w the best of frends, or even a class as a whole, made during the first three mths were lost... although new friendships could be made, they cant be replaced...

failure one:
well, i had said not to mention, but then... hAiz... my first failed "possible relationship"... hmmz... u know wad i mean... and things now are not say v.gd, coz it's so hard to be frends now... but we still do chat minimally over msn...

failure two:
failed to make it thru to student council... but there was nothing i could do abt it... that period was chaos... i was running, i was learning archery, i was trailing behind for work... i still remember that the day before the speeches, i did GP work all the way till the wee hours before sleeping... following day, my mind was a dull, couldnt think properly, how to stand forward to answer questions posed by the school when i cant think? i think i was mad then...

third down:
common test was like shit... no needa explain any further... but this led to another thing, frends lost... becoz i'm now so focused on my studies...

failure three:
failed to make it thru for track ex-co... this time, learning frm the previous time, i did not stay up late... i made sure i was awake, so i can answer questions... simply said, i made myself to be at my best condition... and my best i did, to say my speech and everything... i kept hopes alive, but at the same time, know that there was the high chance of me not getting thru... coz i'm so slack... wun be a surprise if i din made thru... but during my speech and questions, i knew i was performing kinda well... which brought my confidence higher... when votes were made, results were announced, i din make it thru... wasnt entirely crumbled... but disappointment was definitely there... guess i juz wasnt cut out to be a leader at all... right on my way home, i was into this state of rojak-ness inside me... i juz couldnt figure out wad i was exactly feeling, the feeling of disappointment+down+self-consoling+not to give up... many things mixed inside me... and i juz wasnt that afghanboy/guowei/jason i were... i was juz a mindless and soul-less piece of flesh going home...

okay, i did manage to remember one up... and that was the inter-house cheerleading competition... this thing managed to get me to look forward to coming to school, but after lessons... it was juz plain fun and excitement... but all good things come to an end, and rite after that, it was juz the plain days of study and training... good things certainly do last for that short while... fun is short-lived... life is somewhere but not there...