wednesday! track & field finals 2004... but the more impt thing for me was the inter-house cheerleading competition... we've trained hard and put in lotsa effort into this particular activity... all i can only say is, LIGNUM, i'm proud of u all! lignum cheerleaders! u all hav done well! although none of u will be able to see this, but i still wanna say!! haha... i couldn't get enough of cheerleading i tell ya all! too bad it's all over... happy and sad at the sad time! i believe i've told this to many pple many times, but it's like... happy that i've suddenly become a more free person now... but more sad at the same time tat, this fun and exciting thing has passed! i really really have begun to miss the cheerleading trainings... it's juz so much fun lor! everyday going to sch, i juz look forward to the end, where there's gonna be cheerleading training! many pple told me i'm mad lah, and tell me to juz go join the cheerleading as a CCA, but the thing is, lignum house cheerleading training and the CCA, they're two different things. so tat's y i din even have that intention crossing my mind... but anyway, the whole process of this event, whether it be the actual performance or the process of training and stuff, it's gonna be imprinted in my memory for good! for the rest of my life! i've never enjoyed myself so much before!

well, let's talk abt the actual performance abit! when PW finish, i juz went down to the gym lah... and it's like, they told us to change. but i din want to wear tbe orange top yet, becoz i'm gonna sweat like a mad dog lah... so i juz change the pants... and guess wad? the pants is so freaking big lah! so big that it can juz drop onto the floor! not even supporting on my hips or wad lah! in the end, gotta rush to find the lignum house reps to get safety pins and pin both sides of my pants... luckily!! *phew* but during the warm-ups and all, the safety pins did came off, and i got kinda scared lah... worried that my pants will juz drop off in front of the mega NJ crowd... and my nitemare did came thru! one side of the safety pin came off during the performance! but thanks to my fortune, there was only one last stunt left to do, and when finished... i was walking off the mats with my hands holding on to my pants!! haha!! i believe u muz be laughing now!! but still, i kept the spirits high!! the smile... the atmosphere... everything!!

ignis performed juz before lignum... and boy muz i say ignis rock!! initially i had no butterflies all inside my body, whether it be my head, legs, blah blah... shld be stomach lah... haha... ya, i was not nervous at all... it's not like i've never perform in front of large crowds before... (i've perform in front of thousands before, haha) but anyway, ya, after watching ignis perform, the butterflies came flying into my stomach... and i got really stressed... i was not nervous abt the crowd, but juz pure stress by the good performance put up by ignis... haha... vince! brother, u shake those booties well!! haha!! but ya, with lignum trailing 2nd juz behind ignis, i had no regrets at all... i was juz really super happy that ignis got it!! they deserved 1st!!

thursday!! no more cheerleading... no more nothing... no more looking forward to the end of school... but, went to support harland at ccab there for the tennis semis... hAiz, NJ lost to VJ... but harland, dun take it too hard... dun keep on apologising... i believe u've put in your best already! another piece of sad news, the hockey guys lost too... 1-0... hAiz, NJ lost two semis in one day... really sAd...

coz we went down to support harland, many pple managed to get away frm double GP... haha, so cheapo... we're juz so cheapo!! but it was still definitely something... double GP is a killer lah! somemore it's florence yap! can die lor! immediate KO in her class... juz knock out and fall flat on the table and sleep lah!! haha!!

finally, after dunno how many days... but surely alot! i've finally stepped into my house, after school, in daylight! IN DAYLIGHT u know??? the last time i stepped into the house in bright daylight was like super long ago lah... haha!! i juz felt weird and funny lah... but really, somehow, i do missed my home sometimes... i spend more than 12hrs of my daily life outside home lor... hAiz... my home misses me.... i miss my home!! it's a two-way relationship... and i know it!! haha!! =)

we're really drifting apart... and i know it... but i dun want that to happen... i've been trying my best not to let that happen... but sometimes, it's juz so hard... u're juz not a little bit more enthusiastic than usual when i'm arnd... and that really puts me into a state of low many times... of course, i told myself to stand up and psyche myself up again... did manage to say a hi to u today... when u looked my way... but many a times, u juz din look my way, when i'm all prepared to say a hi to u... when i'm prepared to give u a smile...r u juz shy or do u juz want to hav nothing to do with me anymore...?? it's really hard to see and say... i'm no mind-reader... i'm no supernatural being... but i believe i'll juz continue to get your attention, to say hi to u, to give u a smile, or even to talk to u, to get u comfortable when i'm arnd as times passes by... i'll have to work hard to get that feeling rite... hmmz... ya, work hard... but it's not easy i muz say...

juz to take a small part of a lyric from a chinese song
BU4 XIANG3 NAN2 WEI2 NI3
YOU4 BU4 XIANG3 FANG4 QI4 NI3
JUE2 DING4 GAO4 SHU4 NI3
DUI4 BU1 QI3, DUI4 BU1 QI3

(i dun want to put u in a difficult/awkward situation)
(and never had the thought of giving u up as well)
(i've decided to tell u)
(i'm sorry, i'm sincerely sorry)

*Liang Jingru's [Dui Bu Qi, Wo Ai Ni]