Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Saw someone posting about receiving email for the FoE Research Award. None in mine. Sad... Those hours i put into writing the proposal were wasted... :(
Sunday, April 15, 2012
It's been often said that as children of our parents, we will always be that little kid in their eyes. Maybe the same can be said in reverse, how I always think of my parents as the providers of comfort, warmth and finance in the house. From young, they are that authoritative pair, chastising you for moments of going astray, till the point that as disciplinarians of the house, how can they ever be wrong? It has become so ingrained in my mind, that as figures of authority in the house, I will not naturally stand up against them.
Of course there have been times I went against their will and stood up against them, mainly because the motivation was for my personal welfare. There have been a few times that I informed my parents on my decision to travel, only after I have bought the tickets. So it was not a case of discussion but updating them of my plans. Perhaps the most significant occasion when I stood my ground and held on to my belief was when I told my parents I do not want to follow them under Buddhism and be a free-thinker. It took me a long time and loads of courage before I eventually bring up this matter. A lot of resistance and persistence was met but because I have thought it through for a long time even before coming to a decision to tell them, I did not waver.
It's time I change my perspective of seeing my parents as strict figures in the house, especially after what happened last night. I believe it left a scar in my mind, as well as my heart. They are not always right, for they are only human. It's time to understand that I am 25, capable of knowing right from wrong, have the power to stop things from happening, and even as a child in the eyes of my parents, I am also an adult in this house. I hope that whatever my younger brother had witnessed happening last night, he has the wisdom and maturity to fall to the right side of thoughts and opinions.
i think the effect of Friday the 13th came by a little late... Crap happens at home and the stress is churning my stomach into a frenzy...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
You create the mess. You dont help to clear up the mess and leave it to me to clean it up on my own? Well done, friend...
Monday, April 02, 2012
13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Just this week alone, each time i did that, you appeared in my dreams. When i stopped, so did you.
Seriously, what am i suppose to be making out of this?
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Finding my balance and equilibrium back once again
